Unapologetic apathy

I went to bed at 2:30 am to wake at 8:30 am. I've been up since 5:30, functioning on 3 hours of sleep. The time is now 9:30 am.

I had plans to do a few photo shots, including the PS3 campers at Union Square, Circuit City. Now I am not interested in leaving my house. It's not because I am tired, it's because I just don't want to DO anything. It's like being Emo without the crying.

Mind you, I am terribly tired and hungry. It doesn't help that I have horrible sleep problems and bouts of Insomnia. After a few days with little or no sleep I just go mad. My brain is saying "Leave the house, get drunk and fucked up! You don't need me today!" It's safer to just stay in my bed and at least TRY to sleep.

I haven't mentioned this before, but I've been single since Nov. 1st. Though he was a nice guy, there were many reasons why I left him. I would rather not discuss it, so don't ask. Since then I have been looking at his page multiple times a day. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I've read and deciphered every facet, every blog, every thing he's changed or added since our break up. It's fucking sad. First it started with his blogs quoted from the book "House of Leaves", seven blogs in total in a span of 8 days. Now his name is "I hate you" and his song was Eminem's "Superman." I have to admit that seeing Superman really pissed me off.

Why the hell does a metal head have Eminem on his page?! I didn't even know that he knew that song. I like Eminem, so it really pissed me off. I can't help but feel offended and take it personal. Am I crazy for it? I'm not a bad person but I felt like a horrible person for breaking up with him. Superman didn't make me feel better that's for sure.

I visted him last week, and he and his roomate woke up fucking drunk. He's smoking and drinking really hardcore, and I blame myself for it. I should not blame myself, but I cannot help it. Now his song is Drowning Pool's "Tear Away." I wonder "Tell me how does it feel to feel like this?" He gave me a message saying he wants to hang out, but according to his song all he cares about is himself.

I'm really sorry for making a blog about this crap and wasting your time. It just pisses me off. Please excuse me, for I am fueled by lack of sleep. I'm starving, tired, lonely, angry, horny, confused, everything all at once. I've been neglecting my video games, but using my PSP even more. Everyone wants me, but I want no one. I'm not interested in anyone. I don't care about anything right now. I just want to sleep. I'm looking forward to Sunday, Tuesday, and Thanksgiving but that's all. For the 18th time today I will try to sleep. Depending on things I may or may not have Misti drop by. I love her, but today is just not my day.

Time is now 10:15 am and MySpace wants to be gay and not add my blog. Fuck you Tom!