Look at me I'm emo...

[27 Jun 2006 | Tuesday]

Look at me I'm emo...

Current mood: aggravated

I don't know what to do anymore. My financial problems are just a mess. For the past 5 years I have been responsible for my own tuiton. I pay for my books and tuition on my own and the rest is covered with loans. Now I owe $1300 to my school which is due on July 15th. At least $800 must be paid if I were to continue my classes on July 11th.

I don't make alot of money and I don't have that kind of money in the bank. I spoke to my father about it and he was (originally) going to help. Spoke to my mother last night and she basically said "I have no money. See if you can borrow that money from your loan people." If it were my sister she'd find the cash to help her. Whether through herself or my grandfather.

My father cannot help because he has two jobs and gives my mother most of the money he earns. I hate the fact that he works so hard and gives her most of his hard earned money. She spends alot of money on crap and he has no say in the matter. I believe that he should do whatever he wants with his own money. However, this usually leaves my dad with very little money to himself.

For my birthday my grandfather paid for the balance of my cpu. $1200 That was a miracle in itself. I always get the crap end of the stick when it comes to generousity. In this case I got lucky. I'm use to doing things on my own. I don't like to ask, and I don't do well with donations. The world is not generous. Nothing is free. I wouldn't ask him for help. That would be just too much.

If I dont pay it I dont go to class. The bill will go to a credit union. Then soon after the loan people will ask for their money back. I dont have that kind of money and I dont get paid alot. I dont know when I can pay it back. I want to go to school. I want to FINISH school. It just pisses me off.

My grandmother came in my room a few minutes. She didn't make me feel good at all. Grandma wasn't rude, she just irritated me. She came into the room petting my head as if I were a dog. Repeatedly she said that she promised not to tell Grandpa for it will piss him off. Grandpa and Mom are exactly alike. I don't care who knows, in the end it's MY problem. I had enough. In a hurry I ran out of the room and into the shower. At that point I let it all out. I drowned myself in tears and water. I feel like a loser. I don't know what to do.. All I can do is cry..

Look at me I'm Emo....